An unplanned pregnancy, as well as the solutions, are charged with emotion. Some, you may expect and be prepared to handle, while others may leave you confused and doubtful. It’s important to remember that everything you feel when placing your baby for adoption is valid and you shouldn’t deny those emotions. It is equally important to remember that moods change, pregnancy does weird things to emotions, and time can change the way you feel. In today’s post, we discuss some things you may feel once you’ve made the decision to place your baby for adoption.
At AIM Adoptions, we’ve been helping young mothers find loving families to adopt their unplanned baby. We have experience and resources to help birth mothers cope with a wide range of feelings and emotions, and we can help you too.
Relief is one of the most common emotions birth mothers are flooded with once the decision has been made to place their baby for adoption. Once hopeful parents are identified, another wave of relief may overcome you, and again once the adoption is finalized. This is a good indication that you’ve made the right choice for both you and your baby. Relief is common as solutions become clearer and the future becomes brighter for you and the baby. You may feel relief because the burden of raising a child you are not prepared for has been removed or that now you have answers to unknowns. There is comfort in knowing decisions have been made and you can move forward in life, confidently.
Another one of the most common emotions associated with birth mothers and adoption is guilt. Many feel guilty that perhaps their baby will feel abandoned or unloved. It is important to remember two very important things. 1. Adoption is an act of love, made from the heart, to provide the best life for your baby. And, 2. You have the option to be in the baby’s life if you choose. Some birth mothers feel guilty about the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy or adoption, or their reasons for placing the baby for adoption. It’s important to remember that hopeful families are prepared for their adoptive child to be born with developmental disabilities or genetic disorders, or to have been exposed to drugs or alcohol. Although your guilt is a valid response to adoption, you can rest easy knowing you don’t have to feel guilty at all.
Loss or Grief
A feeling of loss or grief when making the decision to place a baby for adoption is common and may come and go. It is a powerful thing to conceive and bear a child and your heart knows it is a part of you. However, like a toxic relationship, it is okay to feel loss even when you know the best thing for both parties is for you to let go. To help cope, you can discuss your feelings with your counselor or other birth mothers who have gone through the same thing. You can also remain in the child’s life if you wish.
The truth of the matter is, no one dreams of having an unplanned pregnancy and placing a baby for adoption. Regardless of what your beliefs are or what you have thought you might do in a given situation, when faced with the difficult position of an unplanned pregnancy, the “would haves” fade away and real life begins. Most people have not thought about what they would do if they were in your situation, and you may find yourself in shock at the things you feel and the decisions you make. From the positive line on the pregnancy test to the final signature on the adoption paperwork, you may feel like you are in a state of disbelief as though this can’t be happening to you. This is why it is critical to have a support network you can count on, like the team at AIM Adoptions, to help ground and guide you.
Despite the positivity and support you’ll be surrounded with and the love of the hopeful parents, anger is a very common emotion to feel during the adoption process — and, it’s okay. Many mothers feel angry at the father of their child that they were put in the position to begin with. Others feel angry at an unsupportive family or circumstances that drove them to choose adoption. Some mothers feel angry at themselves and blame themselves for perceived poor choices that led to an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent adoption. Pregnancy hormones and discomfort only serve to compound these feelings and previous coping mechanisms may not be available during pregnancy. It is important to validate and address your anger, along with realizing it is normal and legitimate.
Peace and Acceptance
One of the most overwhelming emotions you may experience, and the one we hope for, is peace. Being faced with an unplanned pregnancy is a very difficult thing. Weighing the options and searching for solutions is a heavy burden that most will never have to carry. Overcoming the other emotions we discussed and finding salvation through grace and a loving family for your baby are blankets of hope that offer a sense of peace. Peace in the acknowledgment that you are offering your baby a better life and peace that you’ve completed a family.
Someone to Lean On
The most important thing to remember is that any emotion you feel should be embraced. Don’t fight or deny them as this will delay healing. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself to experience the floods of emotion as they come. At AIM Adoptions, we offer you access to resources to help support you through your adoption journey and face whatever emotions it elicits. For the support and assistance you deserve, connect with our team today.