LETTERS FROM BIRTH PARENTS

Katherine's Story

My name is Katherine. I am 25 years old and a junior in college. In my English Composition II class, I was assigned a project to write a 2000 word, controversial, in-depth, analysis research paper. I chose the topic of Adoption. You see, I was 7 months pregnant at the time and had already decided that adoption was for us. One month into the pregnancy the biological father told me he would want nothing to do with the situation and soon thereafter he left me. I strongly believe that every child deserves a father as well as a mother, so I made the decision of placing for an open adoption.

May 5, 2005 11:15 am: I showed Toby, my support person at AIM, my graded final paper. She took it to the agency and "showed it off" to others. Someone was impressed because she called me back and asked if I would allow AIM to publish my paper on their website. I said, "YES!"

June 3, 2005 1:20 pm: Today I met with Jan Deets. She is AIM's Family Services Director. It was time to select "My Family". She was very attentive to my needs and caring in this time of emotional deliberation.

June 10, 2005 1:00 pm: Toby picked me up. I was so nervous that I couldn't get the door open to walk outside. Today I met the future parents of the baby. It went superb they are really wonderful people and I couldn't wait to share the gift of life.

July 3, 2005 4:25 am: The baby was born today; it's a healthy boy!!! His parents and Toby were there from beginning to end. And are still a part of my life and heart.

July 15, 2005 2:30 pm: I visited with the baby today. His parents brought him and I got to spend a few amazing hours with him. I kissed, held, fed, watched him sleep, read and talked to him. His parents and support people were very considerate of giving us time together and they were all concerned about my feeling and emotions. It was very healing to see the baby as happy, healthy and harmonious as I had hoped he would be.

August 13, 2005 5:00 pm: It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and the family and I met up at a bookstore/caf�. The baby's a lot bigger and it's only been 4 weeks. He looks so healthy and peaceful. After a few hours of talking, I asked if I could walk him over to the children's section so I could read him a book, they politely agreed. We walked over then about five minutes later he started with the hiccups and shortly thereafter came the waterworks, I was so nervous I didn't know what to do so I gently walked him back to his parents and said "He started crying so here you go.." It was a reality check for me. How I know even more now I am not ready to parent.

August 18, 2005 12pm:I was asked to share my story through a Q & A for new prospective adoptive parents at the agency today. It was very therapeutic to talk about the physical and emotional feelings I experienced throughout the pregnancy and how I feel about the experience now. Plus, it was joyful to answer some burning questions expecting adoptive parent had about a birthmother and her interpretation.� At the end when I heard the "Thank You" from a hopeful mother I was again reassured that I have done the right thing.

October 14, 2005 4:00pm: I had taken some time off from having scheduled moments to see the baby. Seeing him once a month was starting to conflict me emotionally. I used that time to pray and analyze whether seeing him as a baby was a good thing for me or not. After awhile, I built up the courage to call his parents and set up a time to meet, they said they would be so happy to see me. I saw them (him) today and I can't tell you how healing it was. It made me realize that in fantasy raising a bubbly baby is great but in reality when he is in front of me and I see how much work, time, energy it takes to keep him "entertained" or content or from not having crying fits; it woke me up from my daydream and reminded me I AM NOT READY to parent a baby, specially without a father, or financial resources.

October 17, 2005 3:00pm: Earlier last week I was asked if I would appear in a 15 minute documentary telling my story for an adoption organization so that it can be used at pregnancy centers, to train adoption counselors and to campaign abstinence until marriage; I was flattered to be considered and gladly accepted. The director asked me questions along the intimate and detailed lines of how was your experience before, during and after the pregnancy. It was therapeutic because it made me self-analyze how I came to the decision, why I came to the decision and how I should now deal with the decision.

Leigh, Brooklyn, and Margie

Remember when I found out I was pregnant. I had just broke up with my boyfriend and didn't know what to do. I already had 2 children that lived with their father. I remember thinking of all my options. When I went to the clinic to find out if I pregnant they gave me lots of litterature. From abortions to adoption. I even made an appointment to have an abortion, but just couldn't do it. I thought to myself that there must be a family out there looking to adopt. So, I sat down and began calling adoption agencies. I called 3 and was very frustrated. They all told me that they would have someone call me. But no one ever did. Then the last agency I called was Gulf Coast Placement Agency, now known as AIM. I remember Jan Deets must have spoke to me on the phone for over an hour. She put me on hold several times but she didn't let me go til all my questions were answered. Then she made me an appointment to go to the doctor. She even came all the way to Pasadena to pick me up and take me. From that point on, I knew that this was the agency to place my baby with. They not only were there for medical care but also emotional care. Which when you are pregnant and don't know what to do, having them there was the best thing I needed. I began to think of them as family. Cause that is how they treated me. They also had one on one counseling and group, once a week, what ever fit you best. I lived with Anne the last few months. I can remember Ron going out for watermelon and butterfingers when I had a craving.

Thanks Ron!!

I remember I went into labor on father's day. I thought that would be a great father's day gift. I went to the birthing center, I stayed over nite. Anne even stayed with me. The next morning the doctor came in and said it will probably be after lunch before I delivered, I told no way I would have this baby this morning cause I was watching All My Children at noon. And I did, she was born at 9:30 in the morning. Anne and Jan were both there. My new family. Then others started coming in to see her. They all said she sure is big and they started making bets on how much she weighed. She weighed 10lbs 4oz. That evening all of Anne's kids came up to see me. You see I told you that they were family. All those kids in there admiring my little wonder. Then they brought me several bios for prospective families for this little wonder. After reading several of them, I came across one that said stuck with me. You see they didn't care what they got, they just wanted a baby to love. Their names were Jack and Carol. I knew they were the ones to love my baby and make a family. I wasn't going to meet them, but the next morning while dressing, I asked Anne if it was too late to meet them. She said no and arranged it. Then we went to Anne's to wait for Jack and Carol. I was so nervous. I then placed their little girl Alyson Leigh in Carol's arms. Carol was crying and smiling so big. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. We sat and talked and shared pictures. Then it was time to for this new family to leave. Jack hugged me so tight and so long I thought he was going to squeeze me right thru him. Carol had to tell him, remember she just had a baby. I chose to place Alyson as soon as poosible because the first 3 days is the bonding period. Alyson was only 24 hrs old. And off they went to begin there family.

We exchanged letters and pictures throughout the next 18 yrs. I got to see Alyson Leigh grow up.

Now the rest of the story.......................

In December I went to the AIM Christmas party. Jan told me that Alyson was wanting contact. My heart must have stopped beating. I couldn't breathe. I was so excited. I went the office on Monday and Jan called Carol later that day. Carol wrote a letter that day with some pictures. Then I got a letter from Alyson or Leigh as she goes by now. I have called her Alyson all her life that at first it was strange but I got used to it. Then I got the letter with her address and phone number in it. At first I didn't see it I was so excited then a really good friend of mine at work had read it and she said oh she sent you her address and phone number. I said where and she showed me. I called Leigh that night and talked for almost 3hrs. We asked each other lots of questions. She asked me why I placed her for adoption, I explained and she says she understood. I always thought she would hate me, but she never did. We didn't want to hang up. I couldn't get to sleep for hrs after that call. We continued to talk everyday and email each other. I made plans to go to Birmingham to meet her. I was nervous and scared but she made it so easy. I have loved her since the day I found out I was pregnant. We spent a whole week together. I stayed with Leigh and Brooklyn at Leigh's house. She picked me up at the airport. We shared pictures and talked late into the evening. The 2nd night I was there we went to Carol's, her mothers house. She made us dinner and they bought me a cake that said We love you Margie. We took some more pictures and Carol showed me pictures. We took lots of pictures. I am also a grandma, she has a beautiful little girl named Brooklyn. Leigh showed me all over Birmingham. She introduced me to everyone that she knew. I was surprised everyone knew about me, I don't know whay I was, but I was. Everyone was so nice to me and they really cared about Leigh. Of course, we took more pictures. I couldn't get enough. We made plans for her to come visit next summer. That when it was time to go, I didn't want to go. Leigh and Brooklyn took me to the airport, I cried I didn't want to go but I knew I had to get home. Yes, we took some more pictures. I am a picture kind of person.

I am looking forward to getting to know Leigh more. She wants Jonathon her brother, my youngest son to come and spend some time over the summer. Jonathon is looking forward to it. Spending as much time with her and her family is important to the both of us. I have never and never will regret my decision to place Leigh for adoption. When people ask me how could I have just given her up, I tell them proudly, I didn't just give her up. I didn't use words like give up or not want, I used words like placing and planning. You see we don't give up our babies we make plans for their lives. We place our babies with familes we pick.

Margie

Jan,

I received y'all's letter and I can't wait to see everyone! I am so glad that it will be on a Saturday so I can attend the whole party!!!

It has taken 12 years - but I have written my story and I wanted to share it with y'all. Let me know what you think! My grammar leaves a lot to be desired!!

Love, Anna

In 1992, I was pregnant living in a HUD apartment on welfare with one child that I could barely raise on the whooping $157.00 a MONTH that we were living off of. Truthfully, without my parents help we would not have made it. How could I ask them to help me out with another child? I could keep my son and more than likely stay in the HUD apartment on welfare or..what? I did not know. That is when one of my neighbors informed me of her decision to place her baby for adoption.

Of course I had heard of adoption - I was 24 years old. Adoption - what were the images? Being in crowds - searching faces - would I ever see him? Would I recognize him if I were to see him? This was also the time when "Baby Richard" was going on. There really just wasn't that much to encourage me to do this.

"AIM - that is the name of the agency. Just go, meet them and see what you want to do. NO ONE will force you to do this - if this is not what you want to do". I'll go but I won't do this there is no way I could do this.

I'm sitting in the AIM office - looking through all of these folders with all of these sad, happy stories, story after story - no one is standing out to me. No one that I want to hand MY child over to. I've made a mistake - I need to just tell them - I've made a mistake - I don't want to do this. I'll figure out a way to keep my baby. "Have you found anyone yet?" "No, I haven't." "Just look through a couple more." "Okay." I don't know why - I'm not going to do this (I am saying in my head). Just say thank you for your time and RUN - RUN out.

That is when I opened " THEIR" notebook. The smiles jumping out at me - the love- the love is unbelievable - for each other - for all of their family - for everyone. Everyone except a baby of their own. But, no - I still can't do it. My caseworker walks back in - " Ohhhh you are looking at Jean and David's - aren't they wonderful?" " Yes, Yes they are." Everything you could ask for - IF I were going to go through with this - but I'm not - so it doesn't matter.

That is when the phone rings - it is David - OMG what are the odds that he will call at the exact moment that I am sitting in there looking at their book. "Yes, as a matter of fact there is someone in my office right this very minute looking at your notebook. Her name is Anna. Would you like to speak to David, Anna?" NO - NO I am screaming in my head - I don't want to talk to him because I am NOT going to do this. But, I took the phone and said "Hello", on the other end was one of the sweetest most kindest voices I have ever heard in my life and at that very moment I knew - I had to do this - I had to place my son in their arms for the rest of his life. I could think of nothing else that would be worse than to deprive these two people from having their very own son to love and hold and give him everything in life that I would not in a lifetime be able to ever give him. So at that very moment I made a decision that would touch so very many lives. A decision that would be very painful for me - a decision that I would literally cry every day for a year and a half - a decision that if I had to do it over - I would not ever change. Because I did the best thing in my life that I had and have ever done - I gave Jean and David baby Matthew and gave Matthew the best life that I could.

My condition was that every single month of the first year of his life- I wanted pictures. Babies change so much that first year - I wanted to see it all. That was the only condition. The first year came and went so very fast. Every month - I received my pictures. Then my year was up. OMG would that be it? Would I have to go the next 17 years wondering, wondering what did he look like? What was he doing? Was he happy? But, no, I wouldn't have to wonder - because EVERY year in December, I receive a package - filled with pictures and a really long letter telling me all about "Our Precious Matthew". They did not have to continue, but they did. Every year, I hear about all the wonderful fun things that he has accomplished, how tall he is, how much he weighs, so many details. No, it won't ever be the same as being there, holding him and loving him. But, it is the closest thing that I could have ever asked for.

Now I can talk about Matthew and my decision and not cry. That took I think five years to get to that point. I can honestly say without a doubt that I would not, could not have ever backed out and hurt Jean and David by not going through with the adoption. If I had taken Matthew from Jean and David - THAT would have been the most horrible thing in the world that I could have done.

Even in 1992 there was a lot of secrecy to adoption. I did not know what I was getting myself into, but I tell you what I will advocate for adoption forever because of my wonderful experience with AIM and the truly wonderful people that were brought into my life because of it. My caseworker, Jeannine, is still a very active part of my life and I will love her forever. And Jan - anyone that knows her knows that she will always be an active part of your life if you do this. Would I do it today knowing what I know? If Jean and David were the parents - you better believe it. Do I regret my decision? No - as I have went on to tell my children that I do have with me - God put Matthew in my tummy FOR Jean and David. I will die believing that..I don't believe in saying that I "gave away" my son - because I don't believe that he was ever mine to begin with. I truly believe that God did put him in my tummy for Jean and David. Just because you are pregnant does not mean that the baby is yours - God has a plan.

Are all the adoptive parents as wonderful as mine are? I’d like to think not because I got the best that there was - but I am sure that they are. Even my two kids said "Mom, why didn't you let Jean and David adopt US?" after watching a video that Jean and David had made for me. My children can not wait until the day that they get to meet Matthew in person. Especially my son, he cries and says he just wants to meet him. I tell him that one day he will.

The truly amazing part is how much all three of them are alike and how much they have in common. Even though they have not been raised together. My son and Matthew even wore the same Halloween outfit two years in a row! I will get pictures with Matthew playing with blocks, or a guitar or drawing, etc. and my kids love all the same things. It is just such a neat feeling.

In closing...

Please know that if you are at a crossroads and you don't know what to do and you are scared and alone - you don't have to be - there are some truly wonderful people at AIM that want to be there for you - just let them.

Hi Anne,

I'd like to RSVP for the Christmas party this year. My email address says I'm Deborah Sims but you guys know me better as Deborah Ingram. I'm really excited about the party this year. Last couple of times I've been a little shy and haven't talked to many people but each time I go I find myself talking more openly to more women, it's very therapeutic. I spent some time on the website and it looks great. I do not get the newsletter mailed to my house right now for some reason, but I would like to receive it via email if possible. I look forward to seeing everyone and meeting new people too.

Thanks so much.
Deborah Sims.

Kori

17 years ago, I became involved with Alternatives in Motion. That is when I was 14 years old and 32 weeks pregnant and finally told my parents. My Mom had her suspicions, but I had just finished a volleyball tournament and was still wearing my clothes. With the first phone call to Alternatives, I felt at ease and that I might actually survive this. The family at Alternatives were phenomenal. I was assigned a case worker, Stacey, who made sure I had everything I needed, from doctor visits to prenatal vitamins to pizza when I couldn't fight the urge any longer. Throughout the entire process, Stacey was always by my side, as were my own family.

When the time came to choose the parents for my unborn baby, I was given numerous letters to read and select the ones I felt were "THE ONES". I found them pretty early in the process, and have not regretted my decision for one second in the last 17 years. I knew then that I wouldn't be able to raise a child at 14, not the way he deserved, and when he was born I was able to take him home. Not to my house, but to his parents at his home. To see these wonderful people embrace this child they had know for all of five minutes and love him with their entire souls only confirmed my decisions.

Now, at 31, I have two sons and two step sons of my own. I think of my first born often, and wonder how he is doing. I wonder what he likes, how is laugh sounds, and as silly as it sounds, I wonder how his hair smells. I still stand behind the choice I made so long ago, I know I gave him the best opportunity for a good life I could give. In my heart, I know his parents filled his life with unconditional love and the family that he deserved. I made the choice for no one other than him.

Recently, I contacted the office of Alternatives, and spoke with Jan, who helped me pick the parents. She remembered me. She remembered the volleyball tournament. After all of these years, and all of these frightened young girls, they remembered. How amazing. I can't say enough about the family at Alternatives, they are truly doing what they love. Their occupation is a passion that shows through with the care they give everyone fortunate enough to come in contact with them.

KORI BARLOW

Terri

My name is Terri (Couch) Williams,

Close to ten years ago I found out that I was going to have a baby. I was scared to death. I was living a life that was not good to raise a child in.

I was going to have an abortion. I didn't feel that I had any other choice.

Then a really good friend of mine told me about Alternatives In Motion. I immediately knew that I had found the answer to a very difficult situation. The Ladies of AIM were the nicest, kindest, most helpful group of females that I have EVER been around. The women were truly Concerned about my feelings, well being, and were the only support system that I had at the time

If memory serves, I was 30 yrs. old . I already had two children, one that I had with me, and one that lived with her father (my ex-husband). My life was in turmoil. I was drinking heavily, and was on and off drugs . I was in one relationship after another, and was depressed most of the time. The thought of having another child was almost enough to push me over the edge.

Thinking that abortion was my only alternative made me sick at my stomach. I couldn't kill another human. That?s when I was confronted with the choice of open adoption. I liked the sound of that. I could choose the parents that " I " thought was best for my child.

So the process began. The first family that I chose were young. They had just bought their first home (as I recall). They were desperate to have a baby, and all of the inhibitions that I had before I met them were instantly gone. I was making these peoples dreams come true. Life was good. Then....... the complications came.

I went into premature labor. You might think?so what? I thought I was going to loose MY baby. The maternal instinct had kicked into overdrive and at that point I was unsure if I wanted to give my baby to another family. He was in danger of being born too soon.

Then I found out that the family that I chose had decided not to adopt my child.

1. They wanted a healthy baby.
2. They got pregnant.
3. This all happened in one day.

They were going to tell me that day and then I went into labor. They were so afraid of how this might affect me, so I was told and I never saw them again.

FALSE ALARM no baby. But I did have to stay in the hospital for 1month.

I was still going through Bio's. Then the day came when baby could wait no longer. I had not made a choice on families and visa versa.( No-one wanted to adopt a potentiality sick baby)

I was in the labor room This big bunch of flowers and balloons came through the door, and behind them were the most wonderful people in the world, my baby's parents. They weren't scared to take a baby that wasn't perfect, they wanted a child to love and care for no matter what. I was blessed with the best family that ever came out of AIM. They included me in the coming home ceremony. The baby was in the hospital for 3-4 months. They send me progress reports, and even have given me some wonderful advice from time to time. I love them with all my heart. They used to joke around and ask me to have all of their baby's. I never took offense to that , but felt honored that not only did my son get a great set of parents...so did I.

I am happy to say that I no longer look for love in all the wrong places. I'm 38 yrs. old, and just enrolled in college last year. I got my G.E.D. in 1999.

For all of you beautiful ladies having baby's and sharing them with people that can?t have their own, the reward in the end is not describable. But I can tell you this: I AM NOT ASHAMED of letting my new family raising the baby. It was the most unselfish thing I could have done. I smile at the thought of him being alive and living in a good home. Not all stories will end like this but I wanted to share it anyway.

If anyone of the ladies having to make a choice, needs to talk? you may e-mail me at: terri19652000@yahoo.com.

T.Williams/Couch

Lisa

In 1988, when AIM was still a toddler, Lisa contacted us to help her with a plan for her unborn child. She was a teenager who was facing the struggles of finding out who she was and where she was going in life. She did not feel that she could be what her baby needed her to be. Lisa made a big impact on us and we have benefitted from knowing her all of these years. She is a strong supporter of AIM and of adoption. When she RSVP-ed for this year's holiday party, she also included the following original piece that supports her decision 15 years ago.

ADOPTION

A choice, not a demand.

Dreams of a better future for our child.

Openness to discuss our true feelings and wants for our child.

Prerogative to choose who, when and where.

Truth to our self and to the chosen parents that this is what we really want.

Intuition to rely upon to make a well informed decision, and never have to look back in fear that we didn't.

One chance to give our child what we can not.

Need to make our child happy and enrich them with love.

Toby

Hi! My name is Toby and I am a birth mother. I am sharing my story because I want you to know that you are not alone. If you are a birth mother, or if you are considering adoption for your child…there are thousands of women who have worn your shoes. I didn’t know this for years and years after my daughter was born. I felt alone and isolated from other women. I think I always wanted to shout…”I am a mother, too. I have a daughter that I pray for and worry about and love daily.” Sometimes I wondered what my friends would say if I just came right out and shared my hidden identity…I am a birth mother. Unfortunately, 30 years ago no one shared that sort of thing. I was suppose to go on with my life and forget…and never burden others with my situation. I was alone in a world with thousands of other birth mothers. We were all alone.

My daughter found me when she was 19 years old and it was the second happiest day in my life. The first was when she was born. I wanted desperately to see her little face, to look in her eyes, to savor this little life that my body had created. I was told that seeing MY baby was against the rules because I was choosing adoption for her. My friends and family who know me will not be surprised to learn that I created such a disturbance, a real fit, that they brought her to me just to shut me up.

I, just like mothers have done since the beginning of time, counted toes and made sure that everything was where it was suppose to be. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. What a great feeling! I knew she deserved everything in life, every chance to grow up to be everything she could be. I prayed often throughout my pregnancy but never as hard as I did when I saw my daughter. I asked the Lord if I was doing the right thing.

In my heart I knew but there was a part of me that wanted to parent her more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I knew that I could keep her…but looking at her, I wanted her to have more than I could ever have given her. I wanted to be selfish, I really did. But I couldn’t even take care of myself, how could I take care of her? Adoption was how I could give her what I wanted her to have…adoption was my choice.

I knew that there were couples out there who couldn’t have children. Couples who were stable and mature and financially able to give my daughter the things that would help her grow up into the wonderful human being that I knew was inside of that beautiful little baby. My plan for her life would help those childless couples out…and they would be helping me out because they would give my little girl the life I wanted for her.

Things were different then. I knew nothing about the people who would be Mommy and Daddy to my daughter. Today, things are so different. You get to select the parents that you want for your child. You can learn all kinds of things like their names and what kind of education they have and what they do for a living. You can know if your child will have brothers or sisters. You can know how the family spends holidays and vacations. You can know about grandparents and aunts and uncles. That must be reassuring to you.

Even after the adoption you can know about how your child is doing and how she looks and what she likes to do for fun. I had years of wondering about Alana. I wanted to know what made her happy. What did she do when she was sick? How were her school grades? Was she a pain in the butt to her mom and dad when she reached puberty? It was hard not knowing and I had to trust that God was watching over her and that she was okay. It must be very reassuring to have access to those answers. Birth mothers today are treated like real mothers who took care of their babies in the best way they knew how. They are respected for their decision by the adoption agency and by the adoptive parents. Why else would they be allowed to have ongoing information about their child?

Meeting Alana a little over ten years ago reaffirmed my decision. She was an intelligent, personable, beautiful young lady. She was in college at Texas A&M at the time, studying to become the bilingual teacher that she is today. Her parents had provided so many opportunities to grow. They had provided her with an opportunity to travel to Mexico many times. An opportunity that led her to love the people and the culture…and to speak Spanish fluently…giving her a focus for her career in teaching. My prayers were answered, Alana had everything I had ever wanted for her.

Since meeting Alana, I have been welcomed into her family with open arms. Having a beautician’s license, I am their personal stylist…as a matter of fact, Alana’s two brothers won’t allow anyone else to touch their hair. I am invited to multitudes of family functions. I feel wanted and loved by the very people that I prayed would love my baby.
They graciously share grandparenting joys and responsibilities with me. Alana has blessed us all with two gorgeous children; Tyler and Allison.

Alana’s mother is a licensed social worker who works for AIM as the Family Services Director. Four years ago she asked me to consider working with birth mothers to provide services like taking them to the doctor and grocery store. I tried it on a part-time basis for about a month and fell in love! I am always amazed how the Lord has brought me through one of the most vulnerable times in my life…right up to one of the most blessed times. When I was 16, I couldn’t imagine my life as an adult. Adoption was an answer for me and I believed that it would not touch me beyond my decision for my baby. Jan and Alan were a young childless couple who dreamed of having a baby of their own. Adoption was an answer for them and they believed it would end when their family was made. Only the Lord knew that many years later adoption would be a part of our lives beyond that one baby that linked us together. Today our trials of the past have given us a purpose. My purpose is to be a blessing to other young women who face making a decision for their child.

Frances

Hello my name is Frances, and about 13 years ago I placed my daughter for adoption. I want to share my experiences that others can understand that my decision was painful at first, yet overall rewarding, life changing choice for myself and my daughter.

Before I start I want to let you know a little about my life leading up to Cana’s birth. When I was 4 1/2 years I too was adopted after two years of temporary “families”, I found mine! I have always felt safe and loved in my family, even when I rebelled and yelled mean things…you know, when I was a teenager. So adoption had always meant love to me.

When I was 19, I had a beautiful baby girl that I tried to parent for six months. And even though I thought I was doing things right, I really knew I wasn't. And so, as much as I wanted to keep my baby, I looked into other options for her. I talked to several different agencies and went through steps to see if I could truly handle not keeping my baby. You would think at 19 you could do anything! But this was the hardest thing I had ever had to face. I won't say I didn't keep changing my mind, because I did. Don't get me wrong I had amazing support from my parents and family. But in the end I knew that adoption was the best choice for both my daughter and me. So when I decided to finally go through with the placement my family and the staff of AIM was so very helpful. It helped that they treated me like family. Still to this day I feel like I am part of the AIM family when I go to the AIM birth mother’s Christmas party. The staff at AIM helped me in so many ways. They helped me to find the right family for me and my daughter. They helped me to cope with the hurt, and the emotions I encountered during the grieving period. They helped me to know that grieving was a normal experience and that I had a right to grieve for my daughter even though I felt adoption was the best thing for her.

I will say that having an open adoption was the best choice for me. The family, who adopted my daughter, basically added me to their extended family. Even though they are the ones raising Cana, they share her life with me. We write, talk on the phone, talk online, and they even make trips here to Texas for visit's since they still have family in Houston. They have been open and honest and sharing with me since the very beginning and I know that I am blessed to have them in my life.

I will not tell you that this has been easy, because it was not! And you may think that you could never deal or get past the empty feeling.... But you do! And yes in time it gets easier. Like I said in the beginning it's been 13 years since I placed my daughter. And through the years I see how this choice has changed my life for the better. I am able to now see that yes she was the miracle that changed my life in so many ways that I would have never been able to imagine. Because of her I changed my way of living at that time. And because of her I was able to experience the joy of seeing two wonderful people who desperately wanted a child of their own. They need a child to love unconditionally.... and they do. I have been blessed and I continue to enjoy and receive new blessings from that decision so many years ago.

Seven years ago, I was homeless, unskilled for any job except in the clubs, and pregnant.  My self esteem was at an all time low because people I thought were my friends were constantly reminding me of everything I did wrong.  My family was tired of bailing me out of my troubles.  By the time I called AIM, I felt hopeless.  Someone came and met with me the same day.  She was supportive and ready to help me.  By nightfall, I was in a safe hopeless.  Someone came and met with me the same day.  She was supportive and ready to help.  For the first time in a long time, I was being encouraged instead of discouraged.  I developed a peer group of other young women facing the same choices.  Through the years, I have kept in touch with those young women and the agency staff.  With their encouragement and support, I have maintained my own home for six years and even attended college classes.  After a couple of years of volunteering my time with AIM, I realized that I had a lot otfer women with similar situations.  I have been working with AIM since 1999. -Melissa

Everytime Nathanial's parents send new pictures, Chris and I have a renewed sense of the "rightness" of our plan for his life.  When we met with Jan to select our son's parents, we had one very specific requirement.  We needed to know our son would be raised in a catholic family.  We were drawn to AIM's statement, "This is Your Child and You Have the Right to Make All the Decisions."  The entire staff was understanding, supportive, and sensitive to our need to know who would raise our son.  Chris and I are so impressed by the work  AIM does that we often volunteer supportive services to other birth parents. -Jacqueline

I was so excited when I selected "my parents" that I showed off their album  to everyone.  Even before I met them, I felt that I knew them.  Each one of the adoptive families had prepared a whole book of pictures and information about their lives.  I could almost imagine my little boy playing with all of his cousins.  Andrew deserved everything good in life.and I knew I could give it to him through these parents.  Everyone has made me feel a part of the AIM family.  Whenever I call and say, "Hi, it's Mary." They know who I am. -Mary