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MOST
COMMON QUESTIONS ASKED BY BIRTH PARENTS
Adoptive Parents
What
is the adoptive family allowed to know
about me?The agency is required to keep
your confidentiality; however, you will
fill out a complete social history and
when you talk to, meet with, or write
to the adoptive family YOU can share anything
about YOU that you want the family and
your child to know.
How
much does the adoptive family usually
want to know about me?
EVERYTHING! Adoptive
families want to know all of the medical
information for the child's physical health.and
they want to know all of the little things
(like what is your favorite food, music,
class, hobby, etc.) so that the child
will be able to have any information he/she
wants at different times in his/her life.
How
much will I know about the adoptive parents
(occupation, living area, ages, etc.)?
Each family prepares a very detailed
"family album" which includes a letter
from the mother and a letter from the
father that answers these questions and
more (reasons for choosing adoption, marriage,
social life, religious activities, vacations,
holidays, etc.)
What
"qualifications" must a couple meet before
they are accepted (financial, emotional
stability, age, infertility, etc.)?
All of these issues are
addressed in the home study process. The main "qualification" is that the family be a strong Christian
family who proves to have a healthy understanding
of adoption and a total acceptance of
the child's biological heritage. Our families
come from a variety of social and economical
backgrounds.from middle income "country"
families to upper income professionals.
They are asked to demonstrate financial
security and ability to provide for a
child with their income, insurance, and
financial obligations. We do not have
an age limit because each birth mother
has a different idea of the "ideal age"
of the parents she chooses for her child.
A birth mother who is in her late
30s will usually want an adoptive family
who is a little "older" than herself.
Am
I permitted to know how long the couple
has been waiting for a child, and why
the wait?
YES!
Could
an adoptive couple be from out of this
state, or must they live in the state
where I live?
A.I.M. works with agencies
in other states to "network" for families
to provide a variety of possibilities
to meet the needs and desires of the birth
parents who are seeking a family from
outside of the state. Although it is rare,
we have had mothers who wished for their
child to live in a particular country.in
which cases we were able to accommodate
that desire.
How
much can I be involved in choosing the
couple for my child?
Totally!
Birthfather
What
information, if any, is needed from the
birth father (birthday, blood type, etc.)?
The birthfather and the
birthmother are asked to complete a lengthy
social history that includes answers to
these questions and many others.
Not all birth fathers are willing
to complete the form and the birth mother
will take that responsibility so that
the child has as much information as is
possible.
When,
if at all, does the birthfather have to
be present in the legal process? A legal husband (whether or not he is the biological
father) has as many rights as the mother.
A father that is not the husband
of the mother has no rights and must establish
them through a legal process that includes
signing a Statement of Paternity.
A Statement of Paternity makes
the father a "legal father".
A possible father (not the legal
father)is asked to sign a Waiver of Interest
In Child (which can be signed at anytime).
A legal father must wait a minimum
of 24 hours following the birth of the
child.
Does
the birth father have to agree to the
adoption?
If yes, who gets him to sign the
adoption papers?
The agency must make EVERY
attempt to contact the birth father and
offer counseling about his child's future
and the mother's plan of adoption.
In most cases, the father cooperates
with the agency and allows the mother
to proceed with the adoption plan.
In some cases, the parents work
together to plan for their child's future.
In some cases, the father is not
cooperative and legal processes must be
followed to assure a secure permanent
adoption.
The responsibility of handling
issues with the birth father lies with
the agency and agency staff. A.I.M. employs
a male staff person that is usually successful
in helping the father feel more comfortable.
What
if the birthfather will not cooperate
in my adoption plan?
If the father does not cooperate,
there are legal avenues that must be followed
if the mother and the agency feel that
they will work together toward the original
plan of adoption.
If it is determined the father
will upset the process, the mother is
counseled about her alternatives.
The decision to continue with the
process ALWAYS rests with the mother.
General
What
exactly do the adoption files contain?
A completed adoption file
is divided into three sections: the child,
the biological family, and the adoptive
family.
All documentation, correspondence,
forms, legal papers, medicals, and photos
are placed in these files.
Who
has access to my adoption file?
Agency staff and TDPRS (who
all agencies are licensed through) are
the only persons who have access to an
adoption file except in cases where a
subpoena is issued.
What
are sealed records?
Sealed records are the court
records (not the adoption agency files)
that include, but are not limited to,
original birth certificate, relinquishments,
termination of parental rights documentation,
and adoption decrees.
What
is open adoption?
Oh, what a questions!
Truthfully, open adoption and its
interpretation may differ from agency
to agency, from person to person, from
authority to authority.
At A.I.M. open adoption means ANY
sharing of information between the adoptive
parents and the biological parents.
There are no state or agency regulations
restricting contact between adoptive parents
and biological family.all face-to-face
contact after placement is based on the
trust and developing relationships between
the adoptive parents and biological parents.
The Adoption Process
Do
my parents have to sign papers in order
for me to place my child in adoption?
The only persons required to sign
legal documents relinquishing parental
rights so that an adoption can occur...is
the parents.
The birth father, the mother's
husband, and the mother are the only parents
unless someone else has taken care of
the child for a period of 6 months or
longer.
In that case, the person that has
provided for the child might be considered
to have some rights about making the decision.
When
do I have to sign the adoption papers?
The actual relinquishments
(the document used to terminate your parental
rights in court) cannot be signed before
48 hours following the birth of a child.
The papers may be signed at anytime
after the child is 48 hours old.
Once
I sign the adoption papers, can I change
my mind?
No.
The Relinquishment of Parental
Rights is irrevocable at the signing of
the documents.
It is important that you understand
this BEFORE you are asked to sign the
documents.
Will
I have to go to court?
No.
Your relinquishment papers are
your testimony.
However, in some instances where
the birth father might contest the adoption,
you may be required to offer testimony
in court.
This is very, very, very rare.
If
I have to go to court, how long after
I sign my papers will this take place? Under normal circumstances, you will not appear in court.
If it is required, it could happen
at anytime.
After
the adoption is finalized, will I need
to have any further contact with the adoption
provider (i.e. agency, lawyer)?
If so, under what circumstances?
In truth, you would not
have to have any interaction with anyone
associated with the adoption as soon as
you sign your relinquishments.provided
all of the required paperwork was completed.
However, A.I.M. offers after placement
counseling and encourages contact with
the agency.
There is an annual Christmas celebration
resembling a "family reunion" that is
a great chance to develop peer relationships
with biological families who have survived
the placement and grief.
And, we LOVE to hear from you and/or
see you from time to time.
What
happens if my baby is born with birth
defects?
Will the adoptive parents still
want to adopt my baby?
When we agree to work with
biological families to help them with
their adoption plan for a child, we stay
committed to that plan.
We network with many agencies and
organizations to seek homes for special
needs infants. We cannot be sure that
the selected adoptive family will want
to adopt your child if it is born with
birth defects.
If the selected adoptive parents
are unable to accept your child's limitations
or medical concerns, A.I.M. is committed
to help you select a family that is prepared
to offer your child a loving stable home.
How
soon after the baby is born can it be
placed in its new home? Immediately,
if the birth mother's wishes for it to
happen.
Some birth mothers want the adoptive
parents at the hospital during labor so
that their bonding experience can begin
immediately following the birth of the
child.
Other mothers choose to spend some
time alone with the child first.
This, like all of the decisions,
belongs to the mother.
Why
do some babies go into foster care before
they go to adoptive parents? Although there may be other reasons, babies usually
go into foster homes when the birth family
needs a few days to be sure of their decision.
If
my baby should go into foster care, how
long would he or she be there? Usually a maximum of a week. This decision belongs to the mother.
May
I write the adoptive parents a letter
explaining to them the reasons for placing
my child in adoption, and will I have
the assurance that they will receive it?
A.I.M. does not withhold
mail between the adoptive parents and
the biological parents. A letter such as described before is encouraged because we
feel that it is important for the parents
and the child to know, in your own words,
the circumstances surrounding your decision.
Religion
May
I select what religion I wish the couple
to be? Yes
Can
I be assured that my child will be brought
up in that religion? That assurance
can only come from the people that will
be responsible for his/her religious upbringing.
Finances
Will
medical costs be covered for me?
For the baby? The agency
is responsible for those costs, unless
the mother has insurance, if there is
a completed adoption.
Will
there be help with my other expenses?
What could that include?
Texas Family Code and our
licensing agency, TDPRS, allows the agency
to provide reasonable housing costs, clothing,
personal hygiene items, transportation
to services, medical and legal pertaining
to the adoption only, and similar costs
that directly affect the overall welfare
of the child and the mother.
The
Baby
Will
I be able to see my baby in the hospital?
Yes.
This is your baby and we do not
take responsibility for making your decisions.
You may spend as much time as you
need or want prior to the signing of relinquishments.
Are
my parents, friends, birthfather, etc.
allowed to see the baby? Yes.
Of course, this is only at the
mother's wishes.
Will
I be able to have a visit with my baby
before I sign the adoption papers?
Yes!
Can
I name my baby, and will the adoptive
parents keep the name I pick?
All birth mothers have the
right and opportunity to name their child
on the original birth certificate.
In most cases, the adoptive family
has had a name picked out for a long period
of time. The name could be a family name
passed down generation to generation.
In those cases, they will choose a name
that the baby will grow up with.
When the mother feels strongly
about the name, we help her work with
the adoptive parents to compromise with
the mother on naming the child.
Some times, the adoptive family
asks that the birthmother participate
with them to select a name.
What
may I send with my child (gifts, letters,
books, etc.) and will I have the assurance
that my child will get these items?
You may send anything that
you wish.at placement or following placement. Of course, it will be up to the adoptive parents when to give
it to the child.
This is one of those things that
fall under the "trust" category.
May
I have pictures of my baby?
How often?
A.I.M. pays for a mid-sized
newborn picture packet from the hospital.
We ask that you share with the
adoptive family so that his/her newborn
picture can be part of his/her baby book.
The adoptive family usually sends
picture 3 times the first six months,
then at a year, and usually 1 or 2 times
a year after the first year.
This practice involves an exchange
of information where the adoptive family
would also like a couple of pictures of
you and any siblings of the child from
time to time.
If the birth mother discontinues
exchanging information or picking up her
mail.the families tend to stop sending.
If
for some reason my child died, would I
be notified? Yes!
If
for some reason there is an accident and
my child's adoptive parents are killed,
will I be notified?
Could I get custody of my child
at that time?
We do not have a "cast in
stone" answer for this one.
We have only had it happen where
1 of the parents died after the consummation
of the adoption.
In those cases, the surviving parent
has contacted the agency and asked us
to contact the birth family, or the surviving
parent contacted the birth family direct.
Once a child's adoption is completed,
he/she is a member of the adoptive family
with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and
cousins.
To loose the parents that have
nurtured him on a daily basis and
to loose his extended family at the same
time could be devastating.
In cases where there is no extended
family that is a part of the child's life,
the agency might be considered responsible
for making a plan for the child.
If this happens, the agency would
contact the birth family if that is the
desire of the birth family and a placement
in the birth family would be considered.
Will
my child be able to get information about
me if he/she desire? Until the
child is 18 years old, all available information
about the birth family is passed to the
child through the adoptive parents who
are responsible for the child's emotional
needs.
After the child reaches 18 years
of age, the child may receive information
directly from the agency.
The only information that will
be shared is the information that is authorized
by the birth family.
In
the years to come, if my child searches
for me, will someone contact me before
my child does?
IF the child does a search
for his biological family through this
agency, the agency will offer support
and counseling to him/her before contacting
the birth family.
We will then offer counseling to
the birth family before initiating any
phone calls or meeting.
However, in this time of technical
wonder.it is possible that the birth family
can be located without the assistance
of the agency.
In those cases, the birth family
may be contacted without any preparation.
Will
my child be able to find me if she/he
decided to search for me?
There are different resources
available, privately, to initiate and
complete searches.
If your child explored one of these
resources, it is possible that he/she
might be able to locate you without any
assistance from the agency.
How
old does a child have to be to search
for me?
A child must be 18 years
old to initiate a search through this
agency.
However, he/she could possibly
complete a search independently through
data bases available on the internet.
Will
I be able to find my child if I decided
I wanted to search for him or her?
With the blossoming of open adoption,
a search is rarely necessary. However,
the same options are open to initiate
a search by you as are available to the
child.
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