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WHAT
DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY.
Definitions
of Adoption Words and Phrases According
to A.I.M.
The majority
of persons, in the general public, have
very little information about the adoption
process.very little accurate information.
The difficulty seems to be the vast changes
that have come about in adoption over
the past 20 years and the fact that words
and phrases change between one agency
and another. We have compiled the
following list in an attempt to clarify
our meanings when we use certain words
and phrases.
Open Adoption
- clearly the mis-understood adoption
phrase due to the vast differences in
practice of openness throughout the adoption
community. At A.I.M., "open adoption"
is a process that allows the biological
parents and the adoptive parents to share
information. The amount of openness
in and A.I.M adoption varies from situation
to situation.depending on the developing
relationship between adoptive families
and birth parents. We do not feel
that we have the right to make limitations
on the relationship between the adoptive
parents and the birth parents. We
believe that trust is the key to a strong
relationship and that trust develops over
a period of time when the adoptive parents
and the birth parents have contact with
each other. As the relationship
develops, trust grows or dies. The
amount of openness in the relationship
usually grows as the relationship grows.
At A.I.M., open adoption can mean that
the adoptive parents and the birth parents
have limited profile information on each
other - or - open adoption can mean a
continued face-to-face relationship following
the adoption placement. The minimal
for most open adoptions include, but are
not limited to:
- a sharing of written profiles,
- at least one face-to-face meeting between
the adoptive family and the birth parents,
usually before birth, but may be at the
actual adoption placement,
- mutual exchange of letters and pictures
between the adoptive family and the birth
parents through the agency for at least
the first year following the adoption.
Closed Adoption
- Although basically obsolete, closed
adoption is still an option in adoptions
where the birth mother requests anonymity.
In a closed adoption, only skeletal profiles
of the adoptive family and the biological
family are shared. this phrase
is one that is widely used by persons
who believe that a closed adoption guarantees
the adoptive family anonymity and therefore
protects "the adoption". In all
cases, a closed adoption denies the adoptive
family information about their child's
biological background that can only be
learned through personal contact with
the child's birth family..information
that the child will want at some point
during their lifetime. A closed
adoption denies the adoptive family the
ability to provide those answers to their
child.creating a need for the child to
seek out others to help them receive this
very personal information.
A closed adoption may also deny the birth
family the ability to grieve properly.keeping
them in the denial stage of the grief
process indefinitely.to rear it's ugly
head at an inopportune time. A.I.M.
always honors the birth parent's decisions
about choosing open or closed adoption;
however, the policy of A.I.M. is to not
accept prospective adoptive families into
the program who are not open to becoming
comfortable with the open adoption process.
Extensive training and counseling is administered
to prospective adoptive families to help
them find the degree of openness in their
own adoption.
Supervisory
Period - this is the term used to describe
the period of time between the actual
placement of a child into the adoptive
parent's home and the time that the adoptive
parents complete the adoption before a
judge. In Texas, this period is
no less than 6 months. During the
supervisory period, the adoptive placement
is supervised by the agency to offer assistance
in any area needed to secure the child
and the family's future. Complying
with TDPRS Minimum Standards, during this
time, the agency makes a minimum of two
face-to-face visits with the family, numerous
phone conversations, and monthly written
reports including documentation of all
medical care given to the child.
Orientation
- is the meeting held at the agency
to give prospective adoptive families
a thorough understanding of "who we are"
and "what we believe" in order for them
to make a decision about working with
A.I.M. toward building their family through
adoption. The orientations are usually
held every other month, on a Thursday,
from 9:30 a.m. to noon. However, occasionally
the agency must schedule orientations
more frequently. Both the prospective
adoptive mother and father are required
to attend this meeting. There is
a $50 charge for attending the meeting.
Prospective adoptive families are encouraged
to ask questions about the agency services
to children, birth parents, and adoptive
parents. There is no obligation
to prospective adoptive parents attending
the meeting to sign a contract
with A.I.M. Families that are interested
are given an opportunity to schedule a
one-on-one meeting with the director to
discuss their options. Approximately
4-6 families are invited to attend each
orientation. Families from this
orientation that indicate they ultimately
sign a contract with A.I.M., are invited
to the next group home study.
Group Home Study
- is a phrase given to a day-long meeting
at the A.I.M. office where issues of marriage,
discipline, and open adoption are discussed.
The meeting is interactive. Birth
parents and adoptive parents and adult
adoptees are invited to attend to share
their personal story as part of the educational
part of the study. The prospective
adoptive families are encouraged to develop
relationships with other families in their
group.
Selection Process
- is the process where the biological
parents meet with the director of family
services to participate in the selection
of the adoptive parents for their child.
This process happens at varying times
in the adoption planning. Adhering
to our philosophy that the birth parents
are making the adoptio plan.and the agency
is assisting the birth parents in their
adoption plan for their child, A.I.M.
does not have a certain time in the adoption
planning when this process occurs.
Instead, during counseling, the birth
parents decide when they are ready to
begin the selection process for adoptive
parents. The family services director
meets with the birth parents to discuss
their expectations for selecting the adoptive
parents, the birth parents talents/likes/dislikes,
and what form of relationship that the
birth parents expect to have with the
adoptive parents. Once the director
has a general idea of the adoptive parents
that might be a good match to the birth
parent's expectations, she offers the
birth parents adoptive family profiles
to look at that meet the birth parent's
criteria. Once the birth parents
make their selection, the adoptive family
is contacted and a meeting is arranged.
Birth Parent
and Adoptive Family "Match" Meeting -
is the first fact-to-face meeting between
the birth parents and the prospective
adoptive parents after the parents have
been selected. The meeting is usually
held at a public restaurant during lunch
and occasionally for the evening meal.
The director of family services attends
as support for the adoptive parents and
the birth mother's agency support
person or social worker attends as support
for the birth parents. The birth
parents select the restaurant. The
meeting is held in this manner to help
all parties be more comfortable.
Food is an equalizer. Besides, it
gives everyone something to talk about
immediately after the introductions..the
menu! The support persons participate
in the conversation helping to keep the
conversation flowing.through the meal.
As soon as the support persons feel that
the adoptive family and the birth parents
are able to continue the conversation
without assistance, they excuse themselves
to give the parties time to become more
comfortable with each other. During
this meeting some things that are discussed
might include those expectations the birth
parents might have regarding openness,
the adoptive families participation
in the prenatal visits, future contact,
who will be present during the birth of
the child, etc. Usually, after this
visit, some telephone contact and/or email
contact is beneficial in helping establish
the relationship. The agency does
not monitor this contact; however,
A.I.M. is available to all parties for
guidance and counseling.
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